Trick or Triassic
by phoebenpiper
Summary: Jess hosts a 60s-themed Halloween party for the ARC team, and much silliness ensues!


Trick-or-Triassic

a Primeval fanfic by phoebenpiper (based on brainstorming with Nara D.)

...

"Please, Lester? PLEASE?"

The pinstriped bureaucrat shifted his attention from the pleading field coordinator to the subdued soldier standing behind her in the office doorway. "And you approve of this plan?"

Becker gave a simple nod. "I do, sir." Lester raised a skeptical eyebrow, noticing the soldier's eyes flicker almost imperceptibly towards Jess before continuing, "Teachers teach in costume; nurses attend to patients in costume - I see no reason why we can't fight dinosaurs in costume. For one afternoon," he added pointedly.

"And more than likely we won't have to, touch wood," Jess chimed in, quickly touching Lester's desk to ward off any bad luck. "There's a good chance that there won't even BE an anomaly during the two hours of the party."

"And I doubt many of my men will come in costume," Becker added, giving Lester a meaningful look.

Lester threw up his hands in exasperation, knowing it was pointless to argue. "Very well then."

"Really?" Jess asked excitedly, not quite believing her ears. "We can have a party in Ops on Halloween? With costumes and everything?"

"Yes, yes," Lester said, dismissing them both with a gesture. "Now get out of here before I change my mind."

"You're the best, Lester," Jess said, giving her guv'nor a quick peck on the cheek before scurrying out of the office.

...

"60s themed costumes, huh?" Connor said. "Well, that's a no-brainer for me. But what about you, Abby?" An eager smile crossed his face as he began to think of the possibilities. "Ooh, we could go as a couple! How about you be Mrs. Peel?"

"No."

"Catwoman?"

"No."

"Uh...a Playboy bunny?"

"Connor, I get to pick my own costume!"

"So who then? Oh, please promise me it involves gogo boots! Or some sort of catsuit!"

Abby smiled at this last word, as if suddenly inspired. "I think I'll go as Misty," she announced matter-of-factly.

Connor looked blank. "Misty who?"

"Misty of Chincoteague," Abby replied, as if the answer was obvious.

But Connor was still confused. "Who's that?"

"Connor, I've mentioned her before. Didn't you ever read _Misty__of__Chincoteague_ as a kid? Or see the 60s movie?" Her fiance shook his head, causing Abby to smile. "Then I guess you'll just have to wait till the party."

...

"So there's a theme?" Emily asked.

"Yes," Jess explained. "Everyone has to come dressed as someone from the 60s."

"Oh," Emily said, a look of relief on her face. "That's easy enough then."

"You already have an idea?" Jess asked excitedly. "So what are you thinking of wearing?"

"Well, I can just wear what I came through with, right?"

"Came through?"

"The anomaly," Emily explained. "Matt insisted I keep my corset and cloak, though they're packed away in a box somewhere right now. However, I can easily pull them out again for the party."

"What are you talking about?" Jess continued to stare blankly at Emily for another moment before suddenly bursting into laughter. "No, Emily. Not the 1860s! The 1960s!"

Now it was Emily's turn to look confused. "But that was half a century ago. Why would you want to dress like that?"

"Are you kidding? Gogo boots, mini skirts - what's not to love?"

Emily glanced at the outfit Jess was currently wearing. "Don't you already wear mini skirts?"

Jess smiled cunningly. "Why do you think I chose this theme?"

...

So Becker, are you planning to wear a costume to Jess's party?" Matt asked.

"It's Jess's party," the soldier repeated simply, but Matt instantly understood.

"And how about you, Connor?"

A surprisingly sullen "I suppose" was accompanied by a depressed sigh.

"I thought you'd be all over this 60s theme," Becker said.

Connor shrugged. "I was. But I was really hoping that Abby and I could go dressed as a couple."

"So why don't you?" Matt asked.

"Because she's insisting on dressing up as Misty of Chincoteague."

When Matt and Becker both stared blankly at him, Connor explained, "It's some wild horse from a book she loved as a kid. Apparently the movie came out in the 60s, so technically it falls under the theme."

Becker smiled. "A wild horse, huh? That definitely sounds like Abby."

"Yeah, but now we can't go as a couple," Connor said, giving a melodramatic sigh.

Matt shrugged, still unclear as to what the problem was. "So what's stopping you?"

...

Lester walked down the stairs to Ops wearing a typically impeccable suit. Only this time he also wore a bowler hat and a carnation in his lapel and walked with a black umbrella.

Jess clapped her hands together with delight. "That's brilliant, Lester. I'm so happy you changed your mind."

"I didn't change my mind."

Jess looked momentarily confused. "But aren't you dressed as Steed? From _The__Avengers_?"

"Well, obviously, Jess. Why else would I be carrying an umbrella around indoors?"

"Then you DID change your mind."

Lester shook his head impatiently. "No."

"But I thought-?"

"I NEVER said I wasn't going to come in costume," he said matter-of-factly before wandering off towards the punchbowl.

...

Matt couldn't help but smile as he took in Emily's long black dress, black elbow-length gloves, and a set of elegant pearls around her throat.

"You look...amazing."

"I'm Holly Something-or-other," she explained. "Apparently I had breakfast with someone named Tiffany."

Matt shook his head, knowing there was no point in correcting her.

"So who are you supposed to be?" Emily asked, giving his lime and orange satin suit a disapproving once-over.

"I'm John Lennon," Matt explained, absently adjusting the ill-fitting wire-rimmed glasses. "He was one of the Beatles."

"Beetles? Stay away from Jess then."

"No, not beetles with an E; Beatles with an A."

"Why would spelling make a difference?"

"The Beatles were a band. They revolutionised rock music."

Emily gave Matt an extremely skeptical look. "Matt, since when do rocks make music?"

Matt sighed. "Let's go check out the Jack O'Lanterns, shall we?"

...

"Becker, what's with the gun?" Abby asked, suppressing a laugh.

The solder turned and struck a pose "I'm James Bond."

"Yes, I know that. But why are you carrying that gun?"

"James Bond always carried a gun."

"Not an MP5 submachine gun. He carried a Walther PPK."

Becker looked skeptical. "You expect me to kill a T. Rex with a Walther PPK?"

"No, I expect you to enjoy Jess's party without worrying about T. Rexes until you have to."

Becker gleefully gestured to his submachine gun. "I AM enjoying the party."

Abby merely rolled her eyes.

...

"Who are you supposed to be?" Emily asked, staring at Jess's red gingham top, short shorts, and pigtails.

"I'm Mary Ann."

"Who?"

"Mary Ann. From _Gilligan's__Island_."

"Where?"

"No, _Gilligan's__Island_. It was a 1960s television sitcom."

"A what?"

Jess sighed. "Never mind."

...

"So, you're a John fan, huh?" Abby said, taking in Matt's costume. "Me, too. Though Connor prefers Paul."

"Actually, I like them both," Matt admitted. "They complemented each other's writing styles so well. It's a shame John died so early - think about the amazing symphonies they could've written together if he'd lived."

Abby looked confused. "Symphonies? We are talking about the Beatles, yes?"

Matt nodded. "Of course. But the classical works Paul wrote in later years were ground-breaking. Symphony in Free Natural is a masterpiece, but I can only imagine if John had been around to collaborate with him."

Abby still looked confused. "Symphony in Free Natural?"

"Oh," Matt said, realising the implications. "I guess he hasn't written it yet."

Abby smiled. "I guess that's something to look forward to."

Matt suddenly frowned and reached for something in his back pocket.

"Everything okay?" Abby asked, worried.

Matt nodded. "There's just something I...uh...need to take care of."

...

"And who are you supposed to be?" Emily asked the soldier who, instead of his usual black military uniform, was donning a tuxedo whilst holding a martini glass and a gun.

"The name's Becker. James Becker. Double-oh-seven."

"Oh, James is a lovely name. Why doesn't anyone ever call you by your first name?"

"My what? Oh. No, Emily, it's not my..." Becker sighed, shaking his head. "Never mind."

...

"We had a carving party at our flat last night," Abby explained as she approached Lester, who was taking in the display of Jack O'Lanterns.

Lester gestured to a pumpkin that had a glowing silhouette of a gun. "I see Becker joined you."

Abby laughed. "Yeah, Jess insisted that everyone could choose their own designs."

Lester nodded. "Good way to make sure no one criticised her for carving shoes."

"Actually, some of her designs are really detailed. Look at the polka dots she managed to carve in relief on this pair," Abby said, holding up one of the pumpkins.

Lester was clearly impressed. "But I have to say, I'm more of a traditionalist when it comes to Jack O'Lanterns," he admitted, pointing to the carving of a simple geometric face, which stood out from the other, more elaborate offerings.

Abby smiled. "Make sure you tell Connor you liked his best. He was feeling rather outdone by the rest of us, I'm afraid. He doesn't seem to be enjoying Halloween much this year."

Lester nodded, gesturing to the shapes carved on the side of the pumpkin's face. "What are those triangles for?"

"They're Spock ears."

Lester rolled his eyes, mumbling, "Why am I not surprised? But Connor was aware that he didn't have to do a 60s theme for his pumpkin, right?"

"Of course. But he ALWAYS does Spock ears. On EVERYTHING."

Lester nodded, understanding completely.

...

"Oh, Becker! You look...so..." Jess trailed off, unable to come up with the perfect adjective. Finally she finished with, "James Bond was a brilliant idea! And I certainly wouldn't mind being shipwrecked on an uncharted island with you dressed like that!"

But Becker didn't reply to her comment. Instead, he merely continued to stare at her, seemingly almost forgetting to blink.

"I'm Mary Ann," Jess explained helpfully. "From _Gilligan's__Island_."

"Yeah, I know who you are, Jess. I just don't remember Mary Ann's shorts being quite so...uh...short."

Jess looked stricken. "But I researched it! I made my costume as accurate as possible! You wouldn't believe the number of images I downloaded just to make sure I-"

"Jess," he said, holding up a hand to stop her. "It wasn't a criticism."

"Oh!" Jess blushed and self-consciously pulled down the back of her shorts. Quickly changing the subject, she gestured around the room, which was mostly filled with ARC soldiers in their standard issue black uniforms. "I'm disappointed that more people didn't dress up."

Becker nodded knowingly but didn't say a word.

"Oh well," Jess announced determinedly. "I'm not going to let the party-poopers get me down." She smiled at Becker. "So, can I get you some punch, Mr. Bond? Shaken, not stirred, right?"

Becker nodded and followed Jess off to the refreshments table, making sure to stay a few steps behind so he could get a better look at her extremely...accurate costume.

...

Lester approached Emily and politely tipped his bowler hat at her. "You're looking very elegant, Lady Emily."

The Victorian grinned. "Yes, I rather like it myself. So much better than the costumes Matt proposed. Thank you for the suggestion...and the loan."

Lester nodded. "Glad I could be of service." He then leaned over and whispered, "But do make sure you give me the pearls back before you leave. My wife doesn't know I took them, and if I'm discovered, she'll have my guts for garters."

Emily nodded in understanding. "Don't worry. I'll make certain you aren't turned into hosiery," she teased.

"Thank you," Lester said before taking the long cigarette holder out of Emily's hand and turning it around. "And it goes this way," he said before wandering off.

...

"Who are you supposed to be?"

Although it was Jess who'd asked the question, Connor couldn't help but look at Becker instead. The soldier had a smirk on his face, and it was clear what he was thinking.

"Don't even say it!" Connor quickly warned.

Becker shrugged innocently. "I wasn't going to say a word."

But Jess was still staring curiously at Connor's costume. "Are you a horse's arse?" she asked innocently.

Becker snickered, and Connor sighed. "Yes, I am. But it's for Abby. She had this childhood dream to dress as some horse named Misty, so I decided to wear this so we could be a couple."

Jess's brow furrowed. "But Abby's not-"

"I think I need more punch, Jess," Becker interrupted, putting his arm upon the small of Jess's bare back and leading her away before she could finish.

...

Matt surreptiously sidled up to Lester, nonchalantly refastening his Sgt. Pepper jacket. "We're back."

Lester nodded, not turning his gaze from the partygoers down below. "How'd it go?"

"It's all under control. There was no creature incursion, and we got the anomaly locked." He glanced around Ops at the party, which was still in full swing, despite it having officially ended a half hour before. "Did anyone notice?"

"Only Emily. I told her you were running an errand for me."

Matt gave his guv'nor a grateful nod. "Thanks."

"No, thank you." Lester glanced over and gave the team leader a meaningful look. "Now, you will remember to actually put the ADD back on-line after the party, won't you? I don't want Jess finding out."

"Of course."

"And you'll inform the men not to tell Becker?"

"Already done."

"Good. Good," Lester mumbled as he started down the steps into the fray.

...

"Connor, what on earth are you wearing?"

"I'm wearing the back end of..." Connor trailed off as he turned around to find his fiance standing in front of him wearing a red minidress and black boots, her blonde hair teased up into an elaborate beehive. "...Misty," he ended absently.

"Oh, Connor," Abby said with a laugh, shaking her head. "You were meant to be wearing your Spock costume. What happened?"

"I wanted us to match. And you seemed so set on being Misty, I figured what the hell - it's not like I don't have other opportunities to wear my Spock costume." Connor stared at her for a moment. "You do look right sexy. But what happened to Misty? I thought you loved that horse."

"I do, Misty, but not for a costume. I just needed a distraction. I wanted this to be a surprise," she said, gesturing down to her minidress. She looked up at him and shrugged, giving a pathetic, "Surprise!"

"Aw, this is SO SWEET!" Jess gushed as she and Becker joined their friends. "I can't believe you both dressed for each other."

"Yeah, sweet," Connor mumbled. "But now I'm stuck being a horse's arse for the entire party." He quickly turned to the soldier to warn, "Don't say it!"

Becker smiled and shook his head. "Just take a look at your fiance, Temple, and then tell me you actually give a damn what you're wearing."

Connor turned his attention back to Abby and instantly grinned from ear to ear. "You're right. Who cares that I'm an arse - I'm engaged to Yeoman Rand." He leaned over and gave his fiance a peck on the cheek before whispering in her ear, "Rented or purchased?"

"Purchased. I thought there might be other...occasions."

The words were barely out of her mouth before Connor's lips were on hers.

...

"Matt, I've been looking all over for you," Emily said. "You missed the apple bobbing."

Matt grinned as he pulled a damp string of hair off of Emily's face. "Obviously you didn't. Are you having fun?"

Emily nodded. "It's quite different from the fancy dress balls I'm accustomed to, but I'm having rather a good time. I still don't understand any of the..." She trailed off as her attention was suddenly focused elsewhere. A smile spread across her face, and she instantly bolted across the room towards Connor, who was in the corner sharing a piece of pumpkin pie with Abby.

"Hey, Emily. Matt." Abby greeted as the two suddenly appeared, Matt trailing a few steps behind.

But Emily ignored the blonde, instead eagerly asking Connor, "Are you the back end of a horse?"

Connor nodded, his depressed mood momentarily returning.

Emily, on the other hand, was ecstatic. "I knew it! First costume I've recognized all party!"

She smiled proudly at Matt, who couldn't help but smile back.

...

"So are you pleased?" Becker asked as he helped Jess clean up the last of the refreshments.

Jess grinned. "Yes, it was perfect. And see? I told you there wouldn't be any anomalies."

Becker shrugged. "We were lucky." He grabbed one end of the orange tablecloth and held it as Jess walked towards him to fold it. "So what's next?"

"Christmas, of course. Since this one went well, hopefully Lester will let us have a great party, with eggnog and karaoke and-"

"Mistletoe?" Becker asked blandly, raising an eyebrow.

Jess smiled coyly. "If you wear that tuxedo again, you can have all the mistletoe you like!"

...

THE END


End file.
